i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She bit a glass in half.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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