you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
