Operation Purity has been aborted
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
