get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
