Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
