dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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