watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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