enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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