doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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