its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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