ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
