Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
