SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
