5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
