hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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