Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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