you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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