i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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