anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
