I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
