I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
