just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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