I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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