there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
