it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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