dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
