Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.