He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?