The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually