wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Drake has all the answers
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.