The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?