So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.