One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.