Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
