what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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