i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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