She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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