So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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