peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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