He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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