the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
