Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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