I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
