put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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