took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
