I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Boobs are out for the taking
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
