It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
