I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
