Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize