how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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