We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
