you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
