I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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