I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
