your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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