i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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