party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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