Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
