i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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