I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
