she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
