I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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