This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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