I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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