Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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