Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
