never play flip cup with pint glasses
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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