come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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