You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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