Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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