I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
