I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
