Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize