I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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