Don't make out with my wife yet
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
